Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize