She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You are the jesus of drinking
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
