Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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