i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
