Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
