tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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