He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
