They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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