Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
