so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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