She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am available for nakedness
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
