let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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