By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
