i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
