Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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