she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
