Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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