Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
