I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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