I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do herpes really smell.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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