I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
