you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
