At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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