How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
