So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize