I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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