well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Even my vagina gasped.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
