Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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