I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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