So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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