I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
