omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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