I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
