I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
