Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
