You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
