The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
