I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
