You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
