she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love you.
Bad choice
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
