yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
