I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
