I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
