you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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