The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
