Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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