Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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