The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
