Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
