what day is it and did you see me today?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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