I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
