So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize