My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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