If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
