I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
