bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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