you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
