just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
