Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
