Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
