Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
