alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
