I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
