Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
