He had one of those small greek statue penises
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
