I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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