He uses pillows to masturbate.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
