Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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