I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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