I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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